Versed, Re-versed & Unversed « Pimpin' your Poems «
I gots two poems for you to slay
Have at my only new poems of 2007, Cocksure and What's unseen inside two plastic shopping bags. Please?
Derma Kaput from Possum Grape, Arkansas Associate, 1497 posts |
I've read them both and liked them, but don't have time to comment until Monday. I'll be back... |
Tracey from Spanktown Associate, 1891 posts |
I revised it -- please be sure to check out the 2nd version. Thanks! *swak* |
Leanne from Just west of the lounge room Associate, 3019 posts |
Tracey, I can't comment on Cocksure, you must have it locked. But I love the sound of the first stanza particularly, it has a great rhythm that works really well read aloud. I thought it fell a little flat in the second -- it just sounds like too much information telling too little of specifics, if that makes any sense at all. The last lines are, of course, priceless. |
| Tracey from Spanktown Associate, 1891 posts |
Leanne, thanks for the feedback on both poems. It's funny, I think I cut out the lines you liked best in the second version of "plastic bags" and I was very uncertain about doing it. Maybe I'll put it back in. And I'm sure I'll be revisiting the poem again (and again). I'll check out your advice regarding "Cocksure," too, when I have a bit more time. I'm supposed to be getting my home ready to entertain people tomorrow on Easter. Hard to do when you're the kind of person who's easily distracted by shiny objects. Thanks again! |
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