infatuation counts

1.
i cant find you
anywhere i look
when i sleep

you are always
out of reach
just beyond
my fingertips

your phone is off
and i cant stop crying

the acrid moonlight
belongs to me

i blame you

*

2. is she prettier than me you piece of shit
of course she is i havnt washed in days
because i cant leave your smell in my bed and
you are the other end of the country leaving
me with the blinds drawn and the coffee pot
and all the sweet smelling stains

3. your words

keep me alive

never again
you say

but i will win you back

i will wear red

and dance

4. the ceiling fan must be broken although it shouldnt matter
its minus three outside and i can see my exhale
how am i so hot in here how do is see your oasis
and loose my dreams to the place you dug your nails
into the plaster above my bed four little half moons
the night i swallowed everything you gave me including

all the bullshit lies

the ceiling fan must be broken no matter how hard i stare
it wont turn it wont turn it wont turn

5.this morning
before you came over
i scraped the ice
from the inside of the windows
so you wouldnt have to see
how i had been living
(dying)
without you

you didnt say hello
just pushed in
and threw me down

left me covered in bruises

bitemarks

i know i did something wrong

but im not sure what

sorry

6.

remember
what it is like
to be
alive

7.my bruises are fading
ecliptic sunrise
kisses my flesh

no ice today

just the screaming memories
of how much you
wanted me

once