Wedding Sonnet
comissioned by my bride 

Let innocence be chiefly in our mind
When ceremony joins two lovers’ hands;
Though life is full of shifting, sinking sands
And lovesick sorrow all that some can find.
They come to pledge, to swear, but not to bind.
It’s truth they seek in golden lustrous strands
To weave into an oath that life withstands.
But earnest vows are easily maligned.
A few will gently roll a jaundiced eye,
With cynicism earned or rented cheap,
And say that this is all an empty show.
It’s fear that makes the pessimist deny
That cautionless affection courses deep
And grants a joy that cynics will not know.
When ceremony joins two lovers’ hands;
Though life is full of shifting, sinking sands
And lovesick sorrow all that some can find.
They come to pledge, to swear, but not to bind.
It’s truth they seek in golden lustrous strands
To weave into an oath that life withstands.
But earnest vows are easily maligned.
A few will gently roll a jaundiced eye,
With cynicism earned or rented cheap,
And say that this is all an empty show.
It’s fear that makes the pessimist deny
That cautionless affection courses deep
And grants a joy that cynics will not know.
2- Leanne
on May 23 2007 - Edit · Delete
As I'm sure you already know, this is my favourite sonnet form and you've done it very well indeed. I'm not keen on the trochee you've slipped into L9, I'd suggest a fix there, but otherwise the meter's a pleasure to read. Trippingly off the tongue, in fact
I am delighted to see you're still hanging around, and I'd like to offer my very warmest congratulations.
3- Alcuin of York
on May 25 2007 - Edit · Delete
Leanne is right about L9. I respectfully (given the quality of your writing) suggest you replace "Some" with "A few".
Otherwise, a nice write.
Alcuin
Otherwise, a nice write.
Alcuin
4- Limeymcfrog
on June 7 2007 - Edit · Delete
Leanne:
As always you are correct. I wish I had read this before I had the poem recited on the wedding day. I had many compliments and requests for a copy. Luckily I think I can give them the revised version and nobody would be the wiser.
I intend to be around more. Poetry replenishes me, espescially when I have such a learned and supportive audience. I've gotten away from it and suffered.
As always you are correct. I wish I had read this before I had the poem recited on the wedding day. I had many compliments and requests for a copy. Luckily I think I can give them the revised version and nobody would be the wiser.
I intend to be around more. Poetry replenishes me, espescially when I have such a learned and supportive audience. I've gotten away from it and suffered.
5- Leanne
on June 7 2007 - Edit · Delete
I'm sure the champagne will have affected their memories anyway
It's a pleasure to see you back again.

1- Anstey
on May 23 2007 - Edit · Delete
Brides are notoriously difficult. I recommend trading in for a Harley. However, if you've already procured the bride, this sonnet will probably suffice to assuage her more insane romantic tendencies.
On a serious note, in the first line the choice of 'our' instead of 'the' seemed a tiny bit curious, since it switches immediately to a third person view rather than that first person plural.
Good meter and the rhyme and meter seem to work well to me.
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