Cleo (A prayer of intentions)
I never saw the asp coming
down the current
through the weave
but i gave up life
for you
The lord is my shepherd
I shall not want
anything but your lips
dipped in wild honey
and poppies
I never saw your eyes within
a kohl flicker ash line
around the slick
my body lie still
on you
He maketh me to lie down
in green pasture
sink into the jungle depths
of a lost eden
and a tree
I never saw your fingertips
swirling and wild
inside my skin and riled
for all time
for me
As I walk through the
Valley of the shadow of death
you will be gone
and these sins
will not be forsaken
in me
These sins
will be mine
Behold!
the princess of cats
down the current
through the weave
but i gave up life
for you
The lord is my shepherd
I shall not want
anything but your lips
dipped in wild honey
and poppies
I never saw your eyes within
a kohl flicker ash line
around the slick
my body lie still
on you
He maketh me to lie down
in green pasture
sink into the jungle depths
of a lost eden
and a tree
I never saw your fingertips
swirling and wild
inside my skin and riled
for all time
for me
As I walk through the
Valley of the shadow of death
you will be gone
and these sins
will not be forsaken
in me
These sins
will be mine
Behold!
the princess of cats
Anstey on June 1 2007 edit · delete I like the Egyptian cat thing going on here, mixed with the psalm it definitely has a nice flavor to it. I do wonder a bit about the use of the jungle in S4 -- the use of the asp, the cat at the end, and the jewish psalm makes that seem a bit out of place. I might suggest an oasis rather than a jungle? Sticking mroe to the desert and the middle eastern flare.
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- stephan
Alcuin of York on June 6 2007 edit · delete Impressive. You definitely have a feel for words, and a tendency to play with words more than concepts. While this runs the danger of becoming unclear to the reader, it is also adds excitement and interest.
One note: "Eden" should be capitalized.
Nicely done.
Alcuin
