Violets
purple five petal fractal
in five keys
by the spanish viola
butterfly errect
lobed glassy wings
in waiting
before cream fingers
last of dusk
purple hearts blacken
in water
to be torn again
self-similar
Leanne on June 11 2007 edit · delete I don't know what was on your mind while you were writing this, but I got a very strong picture in my head of one of those uncomfortably proper cocktail parties where everyone is dressed up and on display, keeping their corruption and misery under bright colours. The purple also plays into this for me, if one considers it the colour of envy (those places reek of it). Now, as I said, I don't know what you were thinking but that doesn't lessen the impact of the piece in any way.
Your line breaks are very interesting, particularly:
butterfly erect
lobed glassy wings
which makes me want to hyphenate erect-lobed one on hand, but on the other it gives me two distinct thoughts. You then segue to "in waiting", like "waiting in the wings", which is a lovely inversion. So then I move to theatre instead of party... or maybe even a debutante ball... there is definitely a deception going on, whether it's by the self or another I don't know (works equally either way I think).
I am uncertain whether "purple five petal fractal" is the most effective phrasing -- would it work at all if you were to shift the purple from that line and stick it on the next, like:
"five petal fractal
in five purple keys"
Just a suggestion, I suspect I'll survive if it goes unheeded.
A fascinating read, nonetheless.
Alcuin of York on June 11 2007 edit · delete I disagree with Leanne about this poem. The question, "What's it about?" is a fair one, and I consider the "about" test to be significant. If a reader (who is experienced and reasonably proficient concerning poetry) cannot decipher what a poem is "about", I consider that poem flawed.
However, your title indicates it's about a flower (violet) and I see no reason to consider it as merely symbolic. I suspect this is a description equivalent to a still-life painting. The problem is that we cannot see the scene, so while it works great for the author, it doesn't fully communicate to us. Despite this flaw, it does read nicely, and I believe we can understand enough to enjoy reading and rereading it.
I assume the minimalist "self-similar" refers to you.
Alcuin
