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The Joy of Being Imperfect
Where do I go from here?
The llama never lied.
Presumptions were allowed,
alongside lies of omission.
The wizard dug the hole,
not very wide and a foot or so across
about sixty-six inches deep.
Angel fish blurred my vision,
I stepped in
deep.
Yet Nosferato never stopped
to look around or
speak the words that would free me.
Tethered by dreams,
my love held up by thumbtacks
among the ruins of solace.
A Hawk descends spilling
blood across my chest
vibrating white emotion
the raw actions scrape upon
my tender flesh.
Those damn llamas will never know
the bitter ache of need
as it slides down the throat of discontent
Where do I go from here?
Comments
Celticlion on May 2 2008 edit · delete I very much hope something I reflect in what I'm getting from your poem may be of help to you. Firstly, I love the concept of this and where it's going. I very much hope you might change the title, as it is nowhere near as interesting as the poem! The use of animals to transition emotional states and consciousness is very effective- the spiritual progression is cohesive until that last line about "raw action"- I can tell you are grasping and unsure. In poems about love, faith, goodness, evil, what is inside, what is outside and how you keep journeying despite being wounded- there are no easy answers. You are doing a gorgeous job with this- but, yes, it needs resolution of some kind and it certainly needn't be a tidy little answer. Perhaps it is a question. Maybe it is the approach of a new part of yourself you don't yet recognise that will do battle for you. Whatever it is, it is more than likely, still in your subconscious and that is why you can't find it. This may sound utterly preposterous, but you might want to sit or lie down very quietly and play this poem in your head like a movie and then see what happens when you allow it. What feelings or images arise? Once you've got your hands on the raw materials, the poet in you can interpret and mold. I would very much like to read this when it is finished! I hope something I've said has been helpful. Best wishes, C
Laurie on May 2 2008 edit · delete Yes! Thank you C... I have been working on revisions and will post the changes here shortly (Mostly the ending) I did not like the title and will continue to work on an alternate one.
Thanks so much for the help.
Anstey on May 2 2008 edit · delete I would suggest bringing it back around at the end. Tie the llama back in. Elevant the circulate trapp-ed-ness and the surreality of the piece. Embrace that. It's interesting and very different than much of your work. The dreamy quality needs to be built on, I think.
