Tall Good Looking Girl

My writing group suggested that my writing has a lush, seductive quality with rich images even when I do not intend any of that. I was told there is even a warm, inviting tone in the way I read. Now, that was said as a criticism, not a compliment. I was challenged to write in plain language from an ordinary place. Thing is. I had remembered doing that for an entire period of my writing. Ok, I'm babbling. For what it's worth, here is one of them. Sigh, I like lush. I think it's purty.

PS. Tis old and I am no even older,

"Excuse me

tall, good-looking girl"

he said to, mmm, huh, me?

there's something hanging

from the front of your car

I smiled and strode

off

I'm a displaced New Yorker

yes, I know

that's a four letter word

N . Y. E. R.

New Yorker

I smiled

I strode

I'm not a snob though

or a girl at forty-four

or tall at five foot

six or good

looking

all that water

under my car

that bridge that carries me

when I am not striding

head up, eyes forward

away from this neon lit

nightmare

that I need to be at

to fill my little black

pumpkin coach

with overpriced fairy dust

cause the mice won't pull it

anymore

me, sans fairy godmother

at Sheetz

smiling at a guy

who must be drunk

lucky guy

Comments

Celticlion on May 19 2008 edit · delete
Hey, what's wrong with lush

I like it, too. But if you're looking for a piece that's more straight from the hip than I think this one might be it. It has a sense of the ridiculous and a nice edge- it's a good piece and definately not lush. I might have to pop over to your site and see some of this lushness...C

Callooh on May 21 2008 edit · delete

I love this.

I change voices more often than my underwear (well...). I've discovered that when I purposely work outside of my comfort zone, a couple of things will happen -

1. I will repeated curse the person who is making me 'work' (you know who you are - Leanne), and

2. I will learn something, grudgingly.

I really like this piece, and the voice you use. Perhaps you could consider doing this sort of thing more often?

(not that I have anything against lush, some of my best friends are lushes)

----- Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-PTANG. Zoom-Boing. Z'nourrwringmm

2 comments