The Personal Space of U668857 «
May Queen
Your eye flutters pale-blue -
a membrane of sky;
petal-wings
dust a buttercup's nod.
The mayfly lifts your kiss.
Your laugh is the chaffinch,
undulating air.
You blush the dun breasts
of quizzical robins.
Your body is the spring
growing me.
Celticlion on May 24 2008 edit · delete Dear A, I have the good fortune of having already read this beauty of a poem somewhere else and in a slightly different version. I do believe I think the other works better for me and I've concrete reasons- "sky" is more expected, that line took my breath in its other form. It was absolutely visceral and completely unique. I also like the imperative ending more- it had an imploring vitality and mystery to it. Just some thoughts, but however you decide to ultimately write this poem, it's really breathtaking. I very much doubt there is any form of poetry you cannot masterfully write in. I've yet to see it. Lovely work...C
