Twist in the Wind

I fell, broke my wrist I had surgery, and I was a dumbass for being on the ladder in the wind with no one holding it.

35 mph winds
Rattle tree limbs
Whisk away water spray
From Power spray window cleanse

Eight foot A frame ladder
Clambored to stream dormer dog houses
Wish washing away dirty remnants

Multiple water falls expose
Gutters debris filled
Rubbish hidden from view

Simpleton climbs higher
Trash clearing fantasy
And no ladder holder

Go one step higher
Click yes or no
Shoulda clicked no

As Wind Twist rotate and tipple
Fall from grace

Splattering hard
Knocked glasses askew
Joint crooked

Stagger door opens
In shock announces
"I think I'm hurt"

Doctor's office drive fumes
Professional mouth's spews
"It appears broken"
While signing
A wrong handed xray order

I Twist in discomfort
As the ladder that turned
and wind gusts disturbed
Stasis of comfort consumed

And I am angry at my own stupidity

1- Anstey on June 6 2008 - Edit · Delete

first of all, I've missed ya Kee! Second of all, I love the story of this. Your frustration and irritation are clear - and I think that alone makes this fun to read through. However, I do think as a whole it needs some tightening. There are bits of editorializing in the final two stanzas and redundancy that could be pared down to strengthen the piece as a whole. You might also want to take care with your verbs in S1 - keep them as present and powerful as possibe. For example - in the first stanza why whisking instead of whisk, cleansing instead of cleanse?

I also wondered Why 'Intellectual Simpleton' instead of just simpleton?

Good stuff Kee, glad to see you around.

2- Callooh on June 7 2008 - Edit · Delete

nearly did the same thing myself - have the bruises to prove it...

2 comments