MosquitoBytes « MosquitoBytes Volume 05: Interjaculate Love - 2005 «

Relieved

Interminably Consternation

Finally courage arrives
and I ask you,
(attempting to pry open
the doors of memory
long held shut to others)
a few simple questions;
eliciting the expected responses.
You can't recall,
don't know if you want to.
A pause.
Brief.
Fatal.
I ask what happened;
silence greets the query.
Recalling your past comments,
I ask again.
Still the void.
A third time.
You answer
With a twitch.
You sleep
and in my selfish relief,
I am glad,
For I know what causes this.
Even I fear that nightmare

Anstey on June 7
I think you might want to consider parentheses around L3-5. And possibly standard grammatical punctuation as well. I think that would radically alter the reader's approach to this poem, and might add quite a bit of power to it.

Mosquitobyte on June 7

hmmm, fools seldom differ it seems, I was contemplating the punctuation point but thought I'd see what comments I got - if any.....

I hope the new version works better, though me being me, I feel it's over-punctuated.....meh.....what do I know.....I never use it!!! lol

Mos.

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