The Personal Space of Norman Milliken « Poetry «
(untitled poem)
words rush up
in night’s safe harbor
bang me hard
against piers
pull me seaward
and strain moorings
Alcuin of York on Aug. 15 2008 edit · delete I don't think "safe" works here. Also, I think a comma is needed at the end of S1 to clarify that S2 & S3 are not meant in the imperative voice (unless that uncertainty is your deliberate intention). I suspect you're meaning is that the words disturb the safety, but the reader's effort to straighten that out detracts from the poem's power.
Beyond that, I like the brevity, the maintenance of 2-beats / line, though small revisions could keep it iambic. Finally, the terse images work well, and the metaphor is consistent and apropos.
Alcuin
