Only In The Eyes of the Beholder «
It Must Have Been the Tacos
As he strolled purposefully
Stale taco breath belch
Heartburn acetous attitude
Storm skies pelt acrid drops
Of singed molecular charges
Olfactory assault response
He puddle stepped oblivious
Under breath muttering
Lost in acrimonious revery
When blinding flicker daggers
Costumed creator alarms
Too late to move flattened
He stumble arises
In front of "The Lightning Flashes" sign
Above a dimly lit store front
A cynical scowl wilts the olive branch
As He slaps open the door
He turns a sickly gray pallor and stares
There wax figure perfect
Stands a round be spectacled boy
Bat and ball ready
A surreal smile highlights
Single motion wings
A Ted Williams Baseball
Instinctive hand mitt reacts
As the ball pops a crimson crack
Two curved fingers red seams caress
Grass stained orb returned wrist whip
To a gleeful spectre
Repeated at least a gross
Angry lips part upward, upward
As the last pitch leather smacks
He turns to leave amid mutual laughter
Awakened he smiles puddle drenched
Two fingers curled red seams arched
'Round a grass stained Ted Williams baseball
2- Aphasic 
on Sep. 2 2008 - Edit · Delete
Also, S3 L3 should be 'revelry'?
S6 - 'cynically angry' is overkill one or the other would suffice.
I think you delivered this without too much attention to detail, if you don't mind me typing so. You probably do, so I'll shut up and leave it there.
3- Aphasic on Sep. 2 2008 - Edit · Delete
..or perhaps reverie?
*gone*
4- Kzealy on Sep. 3 2008 - Edit · Delete
First I appreciate all the comments. I would like to explain my intent. One can be cynical without being angry, and vice versa. My intent was exactly that both a cynical attitude and angry at the same time. Reverie is appropriate, spell check is not my strong suit.
No one Can make you feel inferior without your consent.
5- Kzealy on Sep. 3 2008 - Edit · Delete
Also reverie can be spelled either way, revery or reverie, I chose the spelling I am most familiar with. In addition there are two other spelliing errors that I corrected palor should be pallor and gleefull should be gleeful. Last stepen, I changed the word acidous to acetous, which has a better description of what I tried to convey. Thanks for all the comments guys.
No one Can make you feel inferior without your consent.
6- Anstey on Sep. 3 2008 - Edit · Delete
Hey Kee, when the Brits/Aussies/Canucks correct your spelling on words like that, the best bet is to smile and nod at the crazy people.
7- Kzealy on Sep. 3 2008 - Edit · Delete
Anstey:Thanks for the advice Stephen.
8- Aphasic on Sep. 3 2008 - Edit · Delete
"I would like to explain my intent. One can be cynical without being angry, and vice versa. My intent was exactly that both a cynical attitude and angry at the same time."
"Also reverie can be spelled either way, revery or reverie, I chose the spelling I am most familiar with."
Revery - that spelling was alien to me, until I looked it up. So, strike that stereotypical Brit crit.
And yes, although I am frequently angry and cynical simultaneously, I accept that they may behave more like in-laws than MZ twins. However, when reading that line, the 'overkill' still comes upon me - the adjacent adverb/adjective thing I guess, and I would have preferred something like 'Cynicism dismisses the olive branch./ He slaps open the door [angrily]/ and stares, turning a sickly gray pallor...'
I'm not sure anger needs to be explicitly stated - the slapping open of the door infers the state in the context. Or is that just me being simplistic?
Anyway, thanks for the elucidation KZ - I'll put it down to another Brit thing, disorientation in the baseball field :>
9- Anstey on Sep. 3 2008 - Edit · Delete
Aphasic, you're awesomely awesome. 
For the record, I recommend that Brits, Aussies and Canucks roll their eyes at the bizarre American spellings.
10- Aphasic on Sep. 3 2008 - Edit · Delete
Yeh - we call that bowling, the idea being to achieve a strikethrough. Not generally recommended, however much you relish the prospect of sticking pins in your eyes.
(I think 'awkwardly awesome' is closer to reality Anstey. I tend to collapse in paroxysms of compressed paranoia when awesomeness threatens to infect me)
11- Kzealy on Sep. 4 2008 - Edit · Delete
Actually you are correct the slap of the door implies anger. Unfortunately you are talking to an IT analyst that has to make sure his intent is understood, in my day to day life. Its called overkill by design or CYA (Cover your own ass). I sometimes have trouble separating the two. Thanks for your additional comments, I wll makes some additional changes when I have the chance. probably today or tomorrow.
No one Can make you feel inferior without your consent.
12- Aphasic on Sep. 4 2008 - Edit · Delete
Well yes KZ, I can appreciate the need to employ overkill in a typical working environment - the threat of death alone invariably fails to generate the required motivation :>
13- Kzealy on Sep. 5 2008 - Edit · Delete
Okay I made a change see how you like it.
No one Can make you feel inferior without your consent.
14- Aphasic 
on Sep. 5 2008 - Edit · Delete
Yeh - that undermines the overkill thing, though I think it would be good to lose one of those pronouns. Maybe 'Slapping open the door / he turns...' ?
But yes, I think it reads better that way.
I'm intrigued - you seem to avoid the use of certain punctuation characters (stops and commas), but embrace the use of others (speech marks, apostrophes). I presume that's a deliberate thing (?)
1- Anstey
on Aug. 29 2008 - Edit · Delete
Hey Kee, in L3, shouldn't that be 'acidic?'