Forgetting Shiva

Everyone follows with covered eyes

I sit at his feet and swallow the Gita

Clouded vision and cobra-choked

Breathing exhaled prayers and smoke

He fails to see that I am not his Sati

This blind belief of silent truths

I watch as his throat turns blue

And give myself as I've been told

Third eye opened to behold

Another thing I can no longer do

1- Anstey on Aug. 29 2008 - Edit · Delete

Wow Stef. I am glad you're back here.

2- Leanne on Aug. 29 2008 - Edit · Delete

Does this mean you're here again? Gosh and golly gumdrops, I hope so.

Lovely rhythms in this, very meditative so the words fit perfectly. It's not quite perfectly metric, it's more smoky and ethereal, and the rhymes are almost slipped in without notice.

I am not keen on "blind belief and beauty bright" -- I can see how using cliches at this point can be a little ironic (blind believers often spout the same old stuff, after all) but I think it's letting you down given the freshness of the rest.

What, you thought I'd go easy on you just because you've done the prodigal thing?

3- Starla on Aug. 30 2008 - Edit · Delete

Yeah yeah i know. i dont like it either but i got stuck. there are a few lines that need attention and i will come back and fix em at some point.

4- Aphasic on Sep. 1 2008 - Edit · Delete

A mellow, yet highly ritualized welcome to your fruity softness.
So, formalities sorted - yeh, that line reads better now. I wonder about 'muted' for 'silent' . It's probably a hangover from Anstey's swan engaged in shattering reflections, though it does also pair up with the preceding blindness, and it suggests some degree of volition.

I'm on a rollback, so well worth instant dismissal. And yes, nice comeback with ambiance and phlegmatic edge.

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