Awesome Time « Jasmine's Poetry «
Through Strength And Weakness
I imagine my mother in her kitchen:
the air pungent with whetted appetites,
as she imparted her wisdom to me over
boiling water and chopped garlic;
the scents never left her hands -
shriveled husks of youth,
each wrinkle a memory.
I wanted to be everything she was:
a cook, a mother, a wife, a woman,
but I never saw beneath her eyes
how she wore her pain as easily
as she wore her smile.
Colleen on Sep. 29 edit · delete I love the image you paint in the first stanza and I like these lines..
"as she imparted her wisdom to me over
boiling water and chopped garlic;"
and
"but I never saw beneath her eyes
how she wore her pain as easily
as she wore her smile."
I think i get what you are saying in the last two lines (especially with the title of the poem) but for me I can't quite understand it. Maybe I just need to get a cup of tea and read it again...
btw... its good to see you back here!
Jasmine Mann on Sep. 29 edit · delete Thanks Colleen! It feels good to be writing again. 
I agree the last two lines probably don't make sense. They were just kind of slapped on because I didn't want to trash everything else. Revisions will be coming soon!
"Milk is for babies. When you grow up, you have to drink beer." - Arnold
ZiGGY on Sep. 29 edit · delete I'm with Colleen on this one, pet hate I'm afraid, the last 2 lines just seem so out of place.
Jasmine Mann on Oct. 4 edit · delete haha So I guess two strikes for the last two lines. Do you think it would sound better if I just took them out completely?
Hmm. I will have to mess around with this one. But don't tell my husband.
"Milk is for babies. When you grow up, you have to drink beer." - Arnold
Colleen on Oct. 4 edit · delete Hi Jasmine,
Honestly, I'm not sure. I do like what you have here. I just wasn't sure where you were going with those last 2 lines. It reads fine to me as it is now, but if there was an idea you were going for with those last 2 I think you could still develop it. Sorry, that doesn't sound too helpful huh?
I am looking forward to meeting you next week at the poetry festival.
Colleen
