For the Sake of Sounding « Sometimes...it just is «
because he asked what i was thinking
allow me to come undone, softly
in the subtle light where my eyes begin to dance
sing to me of beauty and desire
until i remember how freedom tastes
then read my heart aloud
knowing every word is painted in your colors
hold me close in hard silence
so your breath may rest against my skin
until love is the voice we hold to our lips
let my mouth ache for you
as summer begins to fold in upon itself
allow me to come undone, quietly
where there is no threat of war on my hands
or garland of thorn about my feet
wait for me here in my unraveling
so that i may kiss you and again until
i find the forgiveness to love you loudly
U668857 on Oct. 15 2008 edit · delete This is a fine tone poem, deeply lyrical and beating with the poetic rhythm of channeled emotion.
I like the way you play with images of disclosure and closure, with opening and shutting, with silence and sound. It sets up a systolic undercurrent which again reinforces the underlying rhythmic heartbeat.
You avoid the pitfall of sentimentality (a hazard of the love lyric) perhaps because of an underwhelming sincerity and sensitivity. It reads like a flower opening to the sunlight.
Rgds., Alan
