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Too Many Windows
You never mention my panties anymore
or the color of my bra
The smooth cream of remiges
medium-purple scratching dawn.
Let me slip these diamonds off
then we can prance about the room.
take your pill, indulge and dance with me,
it’s not against the law.
Glide silent past the feathers
tumbled faint by years of use.
Your burning scowl forgotten,
the blue ribbon at your feet
Comments
Alcuin of York on Oct. 29 2008 edit · delete I suggest changing the "then" to "and" and then finding better words to substitute for the ones I've capitalized. Then make it one of the three you submit to a publisher.
? (I don’t have the foggiest what “remiges” are)the blue ribbon at your feet
Alcuin
Laurie on Oct. 29 2008 edit · delete Thank you so much Fred! I am going to work on this piece and submit it with 'Chapstick' and 'Secret Code'
By the way... remiges are the hard central part of a feather.
Laurie on Oct. 29 2008 edit · delete Is this better, I thought to maybe keep the avian theme throughout the piece (?) I really like the word remiges.
You never mention my panties anymore
or the color of my bra
The smooth cream of remiges
medium-purple scratching dawn.
Let me slip these diamonds off
and we can swan about the room.
take your pill, indulge, ascend with me,
it’s not against the law.
Glide silent past the feathers
tumbled faint by years of use.
Your burning scowl forgotten,
the blue ribbon at your feet
Alcuin of York on Oct. 29 2008 edit · delete Hi,
Yes, much improved. I finally found remiges in the dictionary.
Alcuin
