Comment: Invertebrate

Mos, the invertebrate idea is a cool one and there's a poem here for sure, but you've hidden it under a lot of emo/ goth language that is not helping your cause at all.  Examples of angsty cliches: "bleeds black", "crimson dripping", (besides, that goes from black to crimson awfully quickly), "dreams shattered", and the out-of-place inverted syntax of "dead I fall" is a hallmark of the genre as well.  I would love to see the middle of this poem drawn out with more creative language.  I don't mean to be so negative, honest -- but you're a fine writer and you deserve to be lifted out of the pack.