Comment: Violets
| Next >> |
I don't know what was on your mind while you were writing this, but I got a very strong picture in my head of one of those uncomfortably proper cocktail parties where everyone is dressed up and on display, keeping their corruption and misery under bright colours. The purple also plays into this for me, if one considers it the colour of envy (those places reek of it). Now, as I said, I don't know what you were thinking but that doesn't lessen the impact of the piece in any way.
Your line breaks are very interesting, particularly:
butterfly erect
lobed glassy wings
which makes me want to hyphenate erect-lobed one on hand, but on the other it gives me two distinct thoughts. You then segue to "in waiting", like "waiting in the wings", which is a lovely inversion. So then I move to theatre instead of party... or maybe even a debutante ball... there is definitely a deception going on, whether it's by the self or another I don't know (works equally either way I think).
I am uncertain whether "purple five petal fractal" is the most effective phrasing -- would it work at all if you were to shift the purple from that line and stick it on the next, like:
"five petal fractal
in five purple keys"
Just a suggestion, I suspect I'll survive if it goes unheeded.
A fascinating read, nonetheless.
by Leanne on June 11 2007