The Mind of the One Word Magician

It really is incredible to imagine how little it appears that I have lived in my life.  I have had so few experiences in the grand scheme of living dangerously.  I go through moments of self-doubt with regards to this randomly.  Sometimes I wish I partied hard and left adulthood for when I was actually of that age and now when I am in that age range I feel if I were to let loose and party hard the appeal would be gone let alone the risks to my body that I could expose myself to. 

I'm torn with being a nice guy.  Suppose it applies to the whole live the "right way" and do good and all that bullshit.  I respect who I am, but perhaps I would be even better had I experienced more?  I struggle with the idea that I haven't lived up to my potential, which really isn't the same field of experience I suppose I am speaking of.  Just something that bounces around from time to time.  Then I become boring to others very easily because a night in is fine with me.  I either want to grow some balls and live life or just deal with the fact that I am not meant to party and just accept where I stand in having a good time. 

I feel like my concept of self is completely distorted now. 

What was once good enough just isn't anymore. 

I just don't know.