Shan's Crap (Shannon McEwen)

 

 

Stephan likes his poems
Without the aid of a pump
But I ask you, my friend
What do you do with the lumps??

Finnegan poops in mustardy stanzas
Always in messy threes
When I asked him about line breaks
He pooped upon my knees

Meghan burps her ABC’s
And giggles when she’s done
Then she sings in syllables
Thick with witty pun

Logan whines in rhythm
As he walks in time
Of every emotional melody
And the odd poetic rhyme
 

Disconnected
In this disinfected
Hollowed out pumpkin shell
Where nothin’ but candy corn
Fills the empty spaces

Automated smiles
Across endless miles
Of wishing wells and welling wishers
Here at the northern star

And the man in the moon
Who just like me, took up the spoon
Milked the cow and even now
Froze the cream, forgot to dream
And on the dish
He ate every wish
 

A pile of feet
Lead to smiling faces
Pressed together
Eyes laughing downward
To the newest addition

A perfect moment
Broken by one cacophonous echo
Against faux suede cushions
Lingering aroma mingles with giggles
As feet hit the carpet and scatter

 

Where monkeys once danced, swung
And gaily frolicked
Oddly symbolic of many
Melancholic hallucinations
Of yesterdays happily ever afters

For every euphonious half truth
Another stolen moment of my youth
Where not even the great Dr. Seuss
Could coddle, coax or loose
Once beloved blamelessness

Where time has come to steal the light
Vibrant blue to sunsets pinkish flight
Igniting passions radiant bright
Tightly grasping fading handfuls
Of my innocence
 

In the dark shadows of our room
Eerily the silence heightens
No monsters lurk, no dangers loom
In the dark shadows of our room
Not a sign of old passions bloom
Hand in hand the bond tightens
In the dark shadows of our room
Eerily the silence heightens

 

Tumbleweeds frolic where sanity once reigned
With signals crossed and perception missed
Was our once extraordinary passion feigned?

Where is that burning need left unrestrained?
Whence every inch of my essence was kissed
Tumbleweeds frolic where sanity once reigned

With the ticking of the clock and habit maintained
Exhaustion bleeds and old fears are hard to resist
Was our once extraordinary passion feigned?

When did every conversation become so pained?
As our ever intensifying misconceptions persist
Tumbleweeds frolic where sanity once reigned

Every nerve and angry word slowly drained
Until only awkward silences and anger exists
Was our once extraordinary passion feigned?

When did the ties that bind become our chains?
Can love survive all of life’s turns and twists?
Tumbleweeds frolic where sanity once reigned
Was our once extraordinary passion feigned?

 

In the hazy stupor of just past midnight
The faint crescent scoop
Dangles just to the left
Outside the bedroom window
A brief reminder
Of insignificance

Until you roll over
Trap the covers
And me
Beneath your thigh

Who knew?
Two rosy nipples
Imbedded in rounded fleshy bits
Were weapons of destruction

Somebody should have
Explained to the babies
Before they fed
Emptied and then sucked again
On dangerous goods

And somebody
Should explain to me
Why I'd now
Want to shoot
My own foot

My daughter Meghan painted me a fairy tonight. More and more this child amazes me with her kindness, talent and intelligence. You can be certain she didn’t get it from me! Just a beautiful picture to all of the people in my life. God bless Shan

Frigid creaminess fills me

Ice cold coffee slides

Seductive

Graceful

My insides melt

The longing, the need, the desperation swells within me

For one

More

Perfect rub of flavour along my turgid tongue

The tip begging for a luxurious lick

Along the edge where the cream is beginning to flow now

Between heaven

And Hell

A perfect sin

A vicarious fuck

In a cup

As the liquid rises through the straw

And gently

So gently and then so quickly hard

Gushes into my waiting mouth

Where the blood is rushing and the heat is rising

And the animal moan escapes

Screaming out

With desire

From every pore

Every vein

For just

One

More

sip

Chapter One

“GO AWAY JOE! I told you I’m studying for finals” Danni yelled through the closed door, her lips twitching as she fought back a smile.

She neared the door and swung it open, a grin spreading across her face. Two uniformed police officers stood on the other side. Her smile faltered as she looked at the two sombre faces. Her chest tightened as she stared at the unwavering grim expressions. She wasn’t able to form any words

“We’re sorry to bother you Miss, are you Danielle Trenton?” The shorter of the two asked, his tone brisk

“Yes” She managed to utter, her mouth suddenly dry.

“May we come in for a moment?” The other officer asked quietly, sympathy evident in his voice.

“What’s this about?” not really wanting to hear the answer

“There’s been an accident; your parents were involved, I’m afraid we have some bad news…”

Danni woke with a start, almost falling off of the sofa in her desperation to escape the nightmare. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and stood on shaky legs. She hadn’t thought about the night her parents died in a while. Going to the Annual staff and family barbeque had obviously been a bad idea. Every year she mingled with the few single staff members while she watched the kids playing games and laughing. Every year she felt the same longing. She should have made excuses and not gone. Flipping on the light in the kitchen she stood still for a minute so her eyes could focus. The clock on the wall said read just after seven.

The kitchen was her favourite room, with its open and roomy feel and large mahogany cupboards and stainless steel appliances. In the centre of the room was a large butcher block island. Directly in front of the large window sat her table. She had painted the room terra cotta to compliment her pottery collection displayed along the shelves. She had carefully stencilled Geckos, broken pottery and wolves howling at the moon along the top of the wall.

Deciding a walk to clear her head was in order she flipped the light back off and made her way outside. The air was crisp, the leaves a brilliant array of colours, announcing the arrival of autumn. She zipped up her dark blue jacket and stuffed her hands into the pockets, snuggling into her coat as she made her way up the street. It was her favourite time of evening, when darkness was falling and the street lights were just blinking on.

She lifted her face to the sky for a moment, enjoying the caress of the gentle breeze as she took in the crimson streaked sky. She could just make out the shape of the moon and made a wish like when she was a child. Her wishes had changed over the years from childhood dreams of ponies and fairytales to more of a yearning for family, for children, for love. She turned her gaze to the houses, brightly lit, cheerful and welcome in contrast to the darkening night. Who lived in theses houses? What did they do? Did they contain the wonders of children? Of love? Of people living together, surrounded by family?

She turned the corner onto Main Street and walked towards the grocery store. She entered the store and picked up a basket, smiling at an elderly man who bowed politely as she passed. Deciding to make herself a homemade dinner, she went into the produce section to select vegetables for a stew. She placed a few potatoes, carrots, onions and yams into her basket, before turning around and wandering toward the dairy section. She didn’t see the doors swing open until it was too late. She walked headlong into a man pushing a wheeler of corn out the swinging doors.

“I ‘m so sorry Ma’am, are you alright?” Strong arms came to her shoulders to steady her

“I’m…fine thanks” Blushing she found herself looking into Brent’s bottomless blue eyes. Ay least his name tag said “Brent – Manager”

She’d noticed him a few times but had never actually had the nerve to talk to him. He was gorgeous, with short, spiky brown hair and blue eyes, most likely in his thirties and lean but nicely built. The sight of him made her palms sweaty and her pulse race. She stood there frozen to the spot. she looked into his face, memorizing every inch, his chiselled cheek bones and jaw line, his lips, full for a man, his blue eyes, sensual but sincere and his nose, a bit crooked but somehow fitting with the rest of his features. He towered over her five foot five frame, his smile making her feel liquid and nervous.

She blushed and smiled back, managing a lame “Sorry” before turning away and making for the dairy section. As she rounded the corner, she stopped and smacked her forehead, scaring a lady shopping in the aisle. The lady gave her a dirty look as she passed, then shook her head, mumbled something about crazy people and stormed down the aisle, and out of sight.

Danni couldn’t help but giggle at her foolishness and the lady’s assessment. Maybe she was crazy. Why hadn’t she said anything to him? She imagined herself saying something clever and flirtatious, and snorted at her imagination. Coming out of her reverie, she realized the cashier was saying something.

“Will that be cash or credit?” The young cashier inquired, snapping her bubble gum.

“Oh, sorry, it’ll be cash, thanks.” Danni’s her cheeks got instantly hot.

Danni handed the girl her cash and waited as the cashier counted out her change. Stuffing the money into her jean pocket, she thanked the cashier, who stared at her without reply. Picking up her two bags, she walked back into the night.

As she turned the corner back onto her street, she passed a driveway where a family was getting into their minivan, obviously in a festive mood. They were singing and laughing, arguing amicably as they climbed into the van. The kids looked to be between the ages of two and seven. Danni watched wistfully as the mother ushered them all into the van, before turning and wrapping her arms around the man who had just strapped the youngest into her seat. She smiled ignoring the tight knot in the centre of her chest. Her thoughts turned to her earlier dream and the sudden death of her parents. Her only living relative, her beloved aunt had died shortly after her parents, leaving her alone in the world. Sighing she forced her mind to less depressing thoughts and took a deep cleansing breath of crisp air.

Danni walked back to her house, unlocked the door and flipped on the light. She stood for a moment looking at her house with pride. She had spent many long hours renovating and redecorating the house. She had fond memories of summers spent with her aunt in this house as a child. It had been her place of stability, where she could go and things would remain unchanged. It was a heritage house, which she had renovated, making it her own. She had inherited the house when her aunt had passed away after a long battle with cancer the year following her parent’s deaths. Rather than selling like her lawyer had recommended, she had moved in and slowly updated it.

The living room was spacious, with large bay windows, and like the rest of the house had hardwood flooring in a mahogany. The walls were painted jade green, with white runner boards and crown mouldings. She had purchased a couch and love seat set in a south western theme, a mixture of deep red, green, blue and mustard. On the floor was a woven mat of dark blue. The walls were covered in Prints, mostly in black and white, of random, unknown people, various lives, in various circumstances. Her favourite was a picture of a little girl, sitting on the steps, sharing her ice-cream cone with a large black lab.

The dining room was adjacent to the living room; with folding wood doors that could pull back to create two separate spaces. She had refinished the original dining room table and buffet, and had reupholstered the seats a navy blue. The walls were painted a deep red with white runner boards and crown mouldings. Inside the buffet was her south western dish collection, in an assortment of colors. On the wall was a painting of a family, all in bright colors and abstracts.

The hall was lined with photographs of her through her life and a few old pictures of her family. The hallway was painted an antique yellow, with a long dark green area rug along the hardwood. The stairs went up to the three bedrooms and two bathrooms. The main bathroom had an old fashioned claw-footed tub, with an antique shower head. The pedestal sink stood on the wall by the door, with an oval mirror above it. The bathroom was an ivory color, with burgundy accents, towels and wallpaper border.

Turning on a few lights she wandered into the kitchen to make dinner. After putting her groceries away she began chopping vegetables, and singing along to the radio. Danni’s thoughts wandered back to Brent. ***********

Brent watched her from the back, as she stood at the cashier. He mentally kicked himself for not saying more this time. He turned away and sighed. She’d been shopping at the store for over a year now. She was beautiful, with Blond, shoulder length, curly hair and hazel eyes that seemed to change every time he saw them. She typically wore jeans and tee shirts, and little to no make up. She had a natural beauty, with smooth, creamy skin and a nice figure. Even without her looks there was something about her that drew his attention.

She paid and left the store, he went back to work, still thinking about her. He was thinking he should have just asked for her phone number. Smiling at his whimsy, he went into the back to his office. He groaned inwardly as he thought about dinner at his parents after work.

It would be a mad house for sure. His four brothers and two sisters and their kids would be there. In total he had five nieces and four nephews, all with entirely too much energy. He loved all of the little buggers, he was the favourite uncle, But it could get a bit overwhelming. That all of his siblings but him were happily married and had kids made him happy for them, but also highlighted his lack of his own family.

He hadn’t been so lucky at love and he was reminded daily by his family. Every time he spoke to a member of his family they’d bother him about starting a family of his own. No matter how many times he’d explain he had to find a woman first, they persisted. He knew they had his best interests at heart, but he felt like an outsider in his own family.

Finishing up, he locked his office, retrieved his jacket from the lunchroom and tacked up the new schedule on the employee board. He waved goodbye to a few of the staff members as he left the store and went to his dark blue truck. He drove out of the lot and into traffic, switched on the radio, relaxed against the seat and sang along, his thoughts turning to her again. He smiled, and then grimaced when the thought crossed his mind about what his family would say if they knew about his crush.

He pulled into his parent’s driveway, grabbed the candy bars he had for his nieces and nephews and jumped out. No sooner had he opened the front door then he was surrounded by giggling children, searching for the loot. With a cry of triumph, his nephew Jackson found the stash and handed out the treasure.

Walking into the kitchen he kissed his mom and placed his hand on his dad’s shoulder briefly, before making his way into the living room where his siblings and their spouses sat laughing and teasing rowdily. As he entered the living room he braced himself for the questions and teasing. They started in on him right away. He smiled and kept his mouth shut, his thoughts drifting to the pretty lady in the grocery store.

***********

Danni drove by the school, slowing to just below the school zone speed limit. She drove by with her window rolled down. She was shocked at the silence of the school yard, like a ghost town. Glancing in the large, brightly lit windows as she drove by, she saw the life in the rooms, overflowing and vibrant. Smiling, she rolled up her window and drove to work, singing along to the radio.

Pulling into a staff parking spot at the Children’s Hospital she locked her car and flipped her knapsack onto her shoulder. She entered, waved at the ladies at reception, before she wandered down the halls to Radiology and Ultrasound. Going into the staff area, she opened her locker and dumped her knapsack in. She pulled out her lab coat, refilling the pocket with stickers, pinning her name tag on her shirt and putting her security ID around her neck by its colourful string.

She clipped her “fellows” onto her lab coat and belt, which consisted of small clip on stuffed animals. She clipped her hair back with a large hairclip and put some lip balm on her chapped lips. Closing her locker, she headed out to take a look at the schedule posted at the front reception of Radiology. She glimpsed into the waiting room to get a feel for what her day would entail. There were a couple very uncomfortable looking pregnant women and a few little kids in various stages of growth.

Most of the parents waiting with their children had a worried expression on their faces, fearing an unknown ailment in their children. Most of the kids here would go home and the test would come back to show a minor problem or nothing at all. Some of the kids she saw however were not so lucky, and her heart ached for these few.

She went into her little dark room and made her equipment ready for the day. She then went into the lab to check in on the status of things. A technician turned to her in greeting

“Morning Dr. Trenton”

“Morning Sarah, how was it last night?”

“Great, no emergencies, a couple fractures, a breach ultrasound and a false alarm”

“That’s good, you off soon?” Danni asked

“Yes, thank god, I’m exhausted, I pulled a double shift, Bobby was sick” Sarah glanced at the clock.

They chatted for another minute, before Danni said goodbye and went into the waiting room for her first patient. She smiled at the lady who looked ready to pop, and helped her up onto the table. Her partner was standing anxiously beside the lady, holding her hand.

“First pregnancy?” Danni inquired, already knowing the answer by their body language.

“Yes” they answered in unison, both wearing nervous smiles .

Lifting the lady’s shirt up over her protruding stomach, she squirted some pre warmed gel onto the stomach and with her wand began to search for the new life growing within. As her wand went across, it picked up the sound of the heartbeat, a wonderfully fast, drum like sound. Smiling she zeroed in on the sound, the baby finally taking shape on her screen.

She worked silently for several minutes, recording measurements, getting shots of different angles and checking for abnormalities. Finally done the technical stuff, she turned to the anxious parents to be and showed them their growing baby, explaining what she was showing them as they watched wide-eyed.

Switching off the machine, she told the lady she could go to the washroom whenever she was ready, and thanked them. After explaining the results would be forwarded to their doctor, she went over to the printer and pulled a print out of ultrasound pictures and handed it to the happy couple. She then left the room, giving the couple a chance to collect themselves.

She worked for several hours, before taking a break, her heart glad there had been no sad news to reveal today. Going back to her locker, she retrieved her lunch and restocked her pocket sticker supply. Taking her sandwich and bottle of water she ate quickly and threw the plastic wrap into the trash and the bottle into the recycle bin.

Having a few minutes left before her next appointment, she wandered up to the fourth floor, where Maternity was located. She smiled at the nurses at the desk, who were accustomed to seeing her come up. She walked down to the nursery and peered into the glass enclosed room. There were only a few babies in the nursery at the moment. The sight of them made her heart melt; she touched the glass as if in caress. She could hear the distant sounds of women in labour as she ventured back down the hall.

She went to reception and retrieved the next appointment clipboard and smiling went back into the waiting area to get her next patient. She stopped in her tracks when she saw Brent sitting there, a little boy on his lap. He looked up from the Dr. Seuss book he was reading to the boy and smiled at her.

“Hello” he said, standing up and placing the little boy on his feet.

“Hello” She said suddenly out of breath

“xcuse me lady are you the doctor?” The little boy asked his innocent face turned up to look at her.

Danni bent down so she was at eye level with the little boy.

“You can call me Danni” she said, reaching in her pocket for a sticker.

“Are you Brandon Blake?” She asked the boy

“Yep” he said, eyeing his sticker with a grin.

“Are you ready?” She asked the boy, standing up and holding out her hand.

Placing his hand in hers trustingly, he followed her to the exam room and climbed up onto the table.

“Ok Brandon, are you ready? This won’t hurt a bit. I am just going to take this wand and checkout your tummy. Your daddy will stand right beside you, alright?”

“He’s not my daddy, he’s my uncle Brent. He gives me candy” He said, smiling at her.

She chuckled and went to work, stealing an occasional glance at Brent, who was smiling at his nephew.

************

Brent watched Danni work, putting Brandon at ease with her kindness and gentle touch. He watched the deft movements of her hand as she did the ultrasound. She was beautiful, he thought to himself as he watched her. She would make a wonderful mother. Where the hell did that thought come from? As a curly lock of her blond hair fell over one eye he felt the sudden urge to touch her face.

She brushed the stray lock away and turned his way as if she could hear his thoughts. She smiled at him, before returning her full attention to Brandon. Ten minutes later and several stickers shorter, she finished. As Danni stood up, she stumbled. Rushing forward he caught her and helped set her back firmly onto her feet.

The instant his hands made contact with her back he felt like he’d been electrocuted. The simple touch almost knocked him on his ass. He stood for a few seconds with his hands still supporting her back. From this close he caught the scent of her, a mixture of Strawberries and Mint. He took a deep breath before he stepped away.

She smiled her thanks at him, before stepping back. Not wanting to ponder his reaction, he smiled back and helped Brandon down off the table.

“Here you go buddy” he said, swinging his nephew around before setting onto his feet.

Reaching into his pocket he pulled out the promised candy bar and handed it him. The boy whooped with joy and ripped at the wrapping. Smiling he turned to a grinning Danni and held his hand out.

“Thank you Dr, when will we hear the results?” He said, clasping her hand in a firm handshake.

“Brandon’s doctor should get the results by tomorrow” she said adding

They stood there, staring at each other, hands still clasped.

“Thanks for the sticker’s lady” Brandon said with a mouthful of chocolate, effectively breaking the moment.

Reminding himself to kick the kid later, he released her hand and thanked her, ushering his nephew out if the room. He looked back at her briefly, before sighing and making his way out to his truck.

“Is that lady your girlfriend?” Brandon asked from beside him, his face filled with curiosity

“Now why would you ask that?” Brent asked his nephew

“She’s pretty nice” He said before adding

“And she has stickers. You should marry her” Brandon said, viewing his stash of stickers

Chuckling Brent mumbled under his breath

“Great, now I’m getting marital advice from a six year old”

“Come on squirt, let’s get you home” He said to his nephew, opening the truck door for him and helping him up.

As he drove towards his sister’s house, he had to agree with his nephew. She was pretty and she was nice. Every time he had the chance to look into her big hazel eyes, he was mesmerized. Vowing to ask her to dinner next time he saw her, he smiled and turned the music on the car stereo up.

An unexpected toothsome grin
Caught from one small corner of mine eye
From betwixt the shady building
And three fellow shuffling passers by

Unmoved by the baritone melody
Of the mendicant monks in a row
Unaware of the thirsty knock down fight
Or the subway rumbling down below

Suspended as if time stands morosely still
In the midday crowd is a winsome face
A once dormant psyche no longer obtuse
To the insane rantings of the human race

Along the lines of the power grid
Not the rabblerousing son of a sheepherder
Instead obsidian eyes that smile
Ready for flight yet amidst the murder

It's mother's day, the day of commercial glee, where more cards are purchased then any other occasion. The day we all rush out to purchase a gift worthy of the woman who gave us life or has loved us, taught all right from wrong, and nourished our bodies, minds and souls. On occasion cleansed our mouths for repeating the wonderful words we'd learned, usually from another parent.

My daughter has always been an especially loving child, always says the right things at the right time and shows her caring heart with most of her actions.

She wrote me a poem today, the front decorated with beads and flowers and the back said”

How Much I Love you – by Meghan

You are sweeter than candy, that is very true I am handing out some love, and it all belongs to you You are prettier than a rose, you smell better too How many people are like you… I’d say very few.

Beat that Hallmark.

As for my son, he burst into the house Saturday afternoon after shopping with Scotty (my fiancé, I call him Scott but the kids have added the “y”).

An excited “MAMA” as his runners stomp up the stairs to find me. I turned the corner and there he is, standing midway up the stairs, his grin barely visible behind the humongous bouquet of flowers in his arms.

Thrusting his offering forward to me he says “Mama, now will you marry me?”

I told him I was already his forever.

Almost every day of the year I end the day feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and bewildered. This weekend I was reminded that my children are worth every single one of the hours I spend making sure they are well cared for.

I also realize that motherhood is the most difficult, gruelling, REWARDING job on the planet. So to all you mothers out there, Kudos to you. You have magic kisses that can kiss away so many ouwies, fears and bad dreams. You have a hug that can bolster spirits and calm nerves. You are not perfect and that is just okay because love or life or humanity is not perfect. Not all of you gave birth to the children that have become yours and because of the inspiration of some of these women I realize giving birth isn’t what defines you as a mother; it’s the love, care and attention that you devote to that child. It’s what you teach them and how you talk to them or sometimes more importantly, listen.

I am proud to be a mother. I am proud to be a part of the sisterhood of mothers. All of you should remember if you have an especially bad day how incredible you all are for the love you give.

My children teach me so very often, that love is just that. Love. It doesn’t have to cost a cent or be displayed in a fancy package. It’s a smile on my son’s face when he tells me he’s gonna keep me. It’s the hug from my daughter when I’m feeling my worst. It’s the simple things we sometimes forget in this crazy world.

So love. And thank you.

I have to whine first about my sinus infection, followed by a lovely eye infection. I am so tired of my sinuses!

Okay I'm testing out posting in my journal that I just created but am unsure I did it right, becuase let's face it, some days I do very little right!



Helloooo, anyone out there?

I sit here in his chair
Covered in cat hair and tears
With thanks to arrive overdue

Like all the things never paid me
He stepped in
Took my hand
In between his gentle fingers

Smiled so warm
The tiny hair on my arm
Singed
Every old doubt cringed

Where silence echoed
Now roars and the giggles
With the spontaneous
Dog pile

And embarrassed smiles
From the lady downstairs
That don't match my
Ear to ear grin

So I sit here in his chair
And know the truth
The mother of the man I love
Made him right